Anxiety, Fear & Horror 😱

Is it OK to scare people (including children) on Halloween?

Maybe you’re a bit of a “scaredy-cat” yourself ….. you know, someone that can’t watch suspenseful, violent or gory movies 😱

Should you protect your children, or let them experience things on their own?

One parent thinks it’s OK to show a 7-year-old Jaws…

Another rails against neighbors who meet trick-or-treaters with jump scares.

Who’s right about kids and horror? According to science, both of them.

Today, we’ll review best practices at Halloween (any time, really) and how to teach kids (and adults) to cope with anxiety.

Before we get started, if you missed last week’s newsletter on, “Poison Ivy, Oak, Sumac & Hemlock”, you can use this link, Here. By the way, if you weren’t aware, poison Hemlock is a BIG deal here in NJ, so you might want to get informed!!!!

OK, let’s get up to speed on the most recent research on Fears, Anxiety and 😱 H-O-R-R-O-R 😱

Halloween is a fun holiday, and I’ve actually grown to enjoy it since we’ve started putting up a few outside decorations each year.

However, we’ve had to be careful what we bought because some of the stuff being sold these days is terrifying! That being said, I find in my practice that this time of year can often bring up some issues with anxiety for kids.

Around the age of 7-8 (sometimes younger) children can start to get very scared of things. They remember something very scary – a movie, a costume, a story, a face, whatever it may be… and they re-live it over and over again in their heads. Night-time can be one of the worst times for anxiety and worry (for kids and adults) because we have no distractions, and have all night to think and over think our past experiences!

It’s usually at night when we find more things to be scared of, and our imaginations run wild. We all remember watching “The News” or hearing bad things that have really happened…

I’ve had more than a dozen kids tell me about real news stories, that have stayed with them over the years, such as the George Floyd incidence, break-ins, house fires, missing planes, and school shootings! It’s enough to give us adults anxiety, never mind being a young child.

What does the science say about Fear, Anxiety and Horror?

Most of us realize that Fear is characterized by behavioral and physiological responses that are essential for the survival of the human species.

Anxiety is a psychological, physiological, and behavioral state induced by a threat to our well-being or survival, either actual or potential. It is characterized by increased arousal, expectancy, hormone activation, and specific behavior patterns to facilitate coping with an adverse or unexpected situation. Pathological anxiety interferes with the ability to cope successfully with life challenges.

Research findings of how fear and enjoyment coexist are intriguing. For now, understanding recreational horror as a form of play seems to be a fruitful approach to a longstanding paradox in the psychology of fear.

Click here for an interesting field study at a haunted-house attraction where visitors between the ages of 12 and 57 years were monitored and asked to report on their experience.

Science is showing that both genetic factors and the environment (life experiences) play crucial roles in shaping the processes of fear learning and its behavioral outcomes. Their interplay are both taken into account when fully understanding and working with the complexities of fear-based learning.

To read more on fear and anxiety research, click Here.

What are the conditions for a successful scary experience?

Horror can go very wrong…… very quickly!

I would strongly advise parents not to show children and adolescents extreme horror films that are notorious for ultra-violent and disturbing scenes.

Steer clear of suicide plot lines, since research shows that media depictions of suicide can lead to an increase in suicidal behavior.

Movies and shows that glorify the villain also aren’t appropriate for kids, especially when there are plenty of scary movies that feature ultra-resilient villain characters that survive by being resourceful, compassionate, tenacious, collaborative, intelligent and selfless.

There are three preconditions for a successful scary experience: consent, safety and caring guidance.

Don’t force anyone to go through a haunted house.

A person must be able to fully, enthusiastically express approval or agree. That means no tricking someone into it, no shaming, no pressuring. Give them the opportunity to back out. You can’t be like, “We started this so you’re gonna have to finish” — especially since research shows that the same person can enjoy horror on some days and not others.

Watch out for coercion from siblings and friends. That person is likely to have a really bad time and feel really badly about themselves.

That said, people don’t always feel the way they think they will feel, and kids don’t always have a good grasp of what they can handle. We should listen , but it doesn’t hurt to have a little bit of encouragement to try challenging things.

“Safe” is the key. It’s important that people never feel a sense that they are truly in danger … that they are alone. Making fear safe is what allows you to lean in and experience those psychological benefits.

That applies to the who, what, when, where, and how of the experience.

Always keep in mind that kids have to be old enough to truly understand what they are seeing is fake. I don’t agree with showing scary movies to very young kids. To introduce scary new things, avoid days when a child is sleep-deprived or going through a transition.

Scary experiences can promote bonding, but it can also do the opposite if you’re with someone you don’t trust completely. It works to bring people who are close (closer), but people who are apart (further apart). That is to say, if siblings have just had a fight or a parent is trying to reconnect after an estrangement, a horror movie marathon probably isn’t a good idea!

Always make sure there is an adult to supervise and help children process. I suggest starting slow with a “family-friendly” scary movie like Hocus Pocus or the series of books, Goosebumps.

The ability to control external factors is also key. If you go to a haunted house, you don’t have a lot of control over how intense it is. If you’re reading a scary or book with a lot of violence … you can read it in a public place, with the lights on, look up spoilers, or just put the book down.

If you decide to watch a film, give someone the opportunity to ask questions and walk them through the process of self-awareness: “Are your palms sweaty? Mine are.” Watch out for what the research has dubbed “masking smiles.” A person might be smiling while suffering, so keep a close eye on their body language too. You can also turn the intensity down a notch by reminding them that the movie is fake or by highlighting the absurdity of something. Try saying something like, “My heart is racing now, but that will go away when the movie ends.”

Horror films are often allegories of the horrendous things that people experience in real life, so be prepared to address the trauma, grief and injustice that inspired the themes of the movie.

You must ensure that the person feels free to say, “This is too much for me.” Offering to watch a film in bits and pieces may be helpful. You can also agree to avoid a movie or subgenre altogether — it’s possible that movies with witches are fine, but blood and gore gets under their skin. You can tell someone: “There’s something about this that makes you feel extremely uncomfortable, and we need to respect that.”

While horror theoretically and anecdotally offers therapeutic value, there’s no established evidence base supporting its use for treatment of anxiety. A trained mental health professional should always be your first stop.

Experts agree that there’s proven value to risky and scary play, but taken as a whole, points less to “you should do this with your kids,” and more to “under the right conditions, horror can be worth a try.”

Helping kids cope with Anxiety

Instilling excessive fear in children might leave long-term psychological scars and lead to a number of mental disorders like post-traumatic stress disorder, panic attacks and anxiety disorders.

Numerous studies have shown that most children are prone to a fear of the dark, which, if not addressed and managed properly by parents on time, can lead to the fear persisting into adolescence. Because of these bedtime fears, many children lose their capacity to differentiate between threat and safety. This can make a child anti-social later on in their lives making it difficult for them to interact with people.

Even if our child has developed a fear, we must attempt to treat it with care and affection by reminding them that ghosts and monsters do not exist. A parents first focus should be their child’s mental wellbeing.

Here are some best practices to Help kids cope with Anxiety:

1. FEARS - We have to remind children that it’s our job as their parent to keep them safe, and they have to remember to trust us. Even as we start to let go and give them independence, they will only be allowed to do the things that we decide are safe for them to try.

2. FEEDING THE MIND - We have to remember that kids listen in on our adult conversations and to the news. Be careful with young children around and what you feed their minds with – especially if they are prone to worry. It’s also a good idea to let them wind down, and switch off all screens at least an hour before bed-time. Do something else like playing, reading or drawing; and monitor what they are up to on the internet, too.

3. REAL / NOT REAL – Make a list of all the things that your child worries about, and then divide it up into what is real and not real. For example in relation to scary things; monsters, werewolves and zombies are all fake and made up. Whereas there are criminals who will break in and rob houses etc. Once you have their list – help your child remind themselves whether “it’s not real” or “my parents always keep me safe”.

4. AWARENESS – Our inner talk is the key to breaking anxiety. Most people know what it feels like to get caught up in a loop of worry; going round-and-round in our head. As soon as we are aware of what we are telling ourselves or thinking, and that we are getting ourselves all worked up, we can learn how to distract ourselves and break destructive thinking. It’s all about self awareness.

5. UNDERSTANDING IT - The feelings that come from anxiety are due to the adrenaline (and other stress hormones) we get from a fight or flight situation. We used to find ourselves in situations a long time ago, where we had to face predators entering our caves to attack and eat us. Adrenaline gave us the ability to run for our lives or fight, and we still experience the same response to things that we fear today. We often want to run away or just get out of the situation. The fighting part is no longer socially acceptable or the right response, but we’re left with these feelings of restlessness or agitation.

6. DIFFERENT SOLUTIONS – There is no one answer that will help everyone who suffers from anxiety. We are all different with varied experiences in life. We have to figure out what works best for us, and our kids. Some people need to practice mindfulness and staying in the moment instead of allowing their minds go to anxious thoughts. Others like to work on deep breathing to calm down and distract themselves. And, some prefer to move or take physical action to rid themselves of restlessness.

7. CHANGING – The most important thing is that the person suffering from anxiety wants to change and feel better – I often tell parents this is more than half the battle. The inner talk as mentioned above is the key because it can help us to get in control before all those hormones and feelings are released – it sounds very simple but its about replacing the negative with the positive. For example , a child having fears or night terrors moves from saying, “There’s something in my room; it’s going to get me” to “My mom and dad love me; I trust them to keep me safe”. Generally, talking it through with an outsider is the best way to help someone move towards having coping strategies. Many times we are so close to the child and situation; they don’t always listen to us.

8. KEEP TRYING – Keep trying and keep working on it. Find what works best. It’s like a bad habit that needs to be broken, you only fail if you give up. Teenage years are fraught with what others think of them, the peers of a teenager become their world. Teach them to understand that their own opinions are the most important ones of all. It’s hard but we have to keep trying…

THE BOTTOM LINE

“Remember, it has to be the right kind of fear, in the right place, at the right age.”

I hope today’s blog has introduced you to some of the most recent studies about Anxiety, Fear, and Horror; and my best practices for controlling anxiety are helpful.

From those watching their first scary film to those (almost) ready for Poltergeist, below is a link to Good Housekeeping’s the best flicks for every age:

38 Scary Movies for Kids Who Like to Feel the Thrill

You may also find last year’s Halloween blog helpful:

Can FEAR actually be Good for you?

Enjoy this Fall season, and have a great Halloween 🎃👻🎃

If you need help with navigating any of the information presented today, make a point to come see me so that I can help you!

To make an appointment with me use this link: HERE

Or, you can give me a call at (973) 210-3838

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