My love/hate relationship with holiday parties - FOMO
I used to have a love/hate relationship with holiday parties. Well, just about any social gathering, really….
I'd have a good time, but I never liked how I felt afterward. My head would be full of mind clutter, telling me that I should have shown up differently. Especially when it came to food and drinks.
Today, I'm grateful that this is no longer my story.
I wrote the below essay Breaking Free from FOMO a few years back, and I'd love to know if it resonates with you…
Before we dive in, if you were busy over the Christmas week and missed last week’s newsletter, on ”Frankincense and Myrrh”, you can access it, here.
Okay, just in time as you head out to your New Year’s Eve, football playoffs and/or Super Bowl parties… Here’s my story!
Breaking Free from FOMO
Believe it or not, the love of my life, Leticia, is a homebody. A born introvert, she would choose an evening organizing or cleaning, playing with our daughter or researching her next interior design idea, rather than leave the house for a night out on the town.
For me, it’s different. I’m an extrovert, and I like to get out and connect with others. But over the years Leticia’s perspective has rubbed off on me, more than mine has on her - and our life is probably more peaceful and less complicated because of this.
Knowing her preference for a quiet evening at home was why I was surprised when she mentioned wanting to go to one of the many holiday parties we’d been invited to a few weeks back.
This particular party was an annual event and it had been a few years since we’d attended. A fun evening with friends sounded great to me and so we rsvp'd yes.
The day of the party arrived.
Before we left our house I ate dinner. Leticia didn’t. In fact, I think she purposely skipped lunch that day.
Once we arrived at the party, Leticia quickly stationed herself close to the beautifully catered buffet table and open bar, and didn’t budge.
In the pauses between conversations, I looked over at her and it appeared she had one agenda - to eat and drink to her heart’s content. Oh, she made small talk and shot me some smiles from across the room, but I could see her main mission was to devour lots of everything on the buffet, cheer with everyone at the bar, and enjoy every minute of it.
I had gone his route before. In fact, I knew it really well.
I used to have FOMO - fear of missing out. If I went to a party, and there was food, I ate it. A lot of it. If there was an open bar, I was the life of the party. I felt like I didn't have a choice in the matter. I told myself that I didn't want to hurt the host's feelings, but it was much more than that. Food and booze used to have a magnetic pull on me and I always ended up indulging past the point of comfort. I’d leave the party feeling stuffed, swollen and disgusted that I had done it, again….
This was my story for decades.
Today food no longer happens to me, I make it happen for me.
What does this look like?
Going into this particular party I knew what kind of food and drink would be served and that it wasn't going to do me any favors. I made the decision that I wasn’t going to eat or drink any of it ahead of time. I did this so that I wouldn’t try to trick myself into thinking just one bite and one drink and then find myself at the table overloading a small plate with everything in sight and getting carried away at the bar.
With my love still stationed at the buffet table, I reconnected with a couple who I hadn’t seen in years. The wife told me that she was healing from Breast Cancer and that she was being very careful with her diet.
Knowing that I’m also intentional about what I eat, the husband mentioned, “You two have to be careful, but I can eat anything I want.”
“Oh, I can eat and drink anything I want" left my lips before I realized what I was saying.
He cocked his head and looked at me oddly. “But you can't eat most of the things here, Doc.”
“Right, I only eat what I want to eat, and I don’t want to eat anything here.”
I honestly felt that way.
The food on the table was beautiful, with all the right ratios of sugar, fat, and salt to be extra delicious and irresistible. But it wasn't quality. It was unhealthy stuff and it would have filled me with frustration, shame, and exhaustion, later.
It's not that I'm trying to not eat those foods, I don't eat those foods period. When I’m present, I have zero desire for certain foods that are made with little to no integrity.
However, if I go on autopilot and let my mind wander to French fries after I drive past a McDonalds, my mouth may water. But I could never eat just a handful. And so I’ve decided that I’m done. Like, 100% done. Oh, I can still eat fries, but my homemade ones are made with sweet potatoes, coconut oil, and sea salt - quality ingredients that won’t betray me.
I’ve made this decision for life and feel so much freer because I’ll never ever have to make this choice again.
How did I do this? I no longer look through the lens of FOMO. Instead, I use JOMO - the joy of missing out - as my compass.
I like to describe JOMO as feeling content with intentionally staying away from something as a form of self-care. It's the act of choosing to say no to something you would normally say yes to, on autopilot, that would cause negative feelings later.
I went to that holiday party with a happy stomach. I ate a simple and satisfying dinner at home and once at the party was able to focus on the conversation instead of the food and drink.
When I looked at the table I saw it for what it really was and knew I wasn’t missing out on anything but a self-inflicted belly ache and inflammation pain in my back for the next several days.
This mindset shift - going from FOMO to JOMO - was enabled by an identity shift. I’ve gone from seeing myself as a person who went to parties for equal parts food/drink and connection, to a person who goes to parties for connection only.
I don't miss the food, and I no longer need to indulge in the food/drink at parties to make it feel like it was a complete experience.
The concept of JOMO has liberated me. It’s freed me from the hold food and drink had on me. It’s made my life more peaceful, lighter, and happier, and I feel like a new person. A person with new and better beliefs about myself and about what I do, and don’t do.
I eat to live, and live to eat. I choose foods and drink that nourish me and I don't sacrifice flavor.
The next morning I felt great. I bounced out of bed, ready to hit the floor running.
Leticia’s story was different.
And that's okay. She planned ahead for the belly ache and extra slow morning. In his case, she willingly signed up for the consequences, and didn't create any extra drama around it, which was something I used to do.
What about you? When it comes to your goals, would you like to show up differently? If so, explore the joy of missing out (JOMO) when it comes to letting go of the behavior that's getting in the way of where you are, and where you'd like to be.
Do you recognize any differences? Some of you have known me for quite some time, others not. Well, this photo was taken about four years ago. I was all puffed up (as my daughter says) before I adopted my JOMO mindset.
I eventually had several life changing opportunities present themselves in my world…. I sure am glad that I’m still around, and can share my FOMO to JOMO story with you.
Believe me when I offer my professional help, I’ve been in many of your shoes and I have felt your pain.
We will start out this year talking about Mindset, what it means when we practice Functional Medicine, and how 2023 holds such promise for all of us!
THE BOTTOM LINE
So that’s it, my story…. one of the ways I changed my life and Mindset. It’s all about “How I show up”; specifically in my head, because let’s face it, that’s where it all begins and ends, right?
I'd love to know if my JOMO story resonates with you…. Take some time to digest this simple concept, re-read my dialog, and try it out for yourself. Enjoy this “last” week of the year, and I'll be back in your inbox next Monday.
Feel free to share this newsletter with others as conversations come up regarding FOMO. And, don’t forget to watch our social posts this week for health treatments that you can share with your family and friends 💗🎁
Please know that I appreciate you being part of our wellness family, and accepting your true natural in-born health and wellness. I consider you very much a part of my extended family!
Remember, that the Functional Medicine approach we use here in our offices can offer you clear insight as to your health, nutrition, and healing options.
Feel free to come talk to us if you are having doubts or questions about your family’s health. We will give you the honest truth, and the clinical research that supports it.
Remember, the (5) Essentials we talk about at Ferguson Life Health Centers are…
Mindset
Nerve Supply
Nutrition
Exercise
Minimizing Toxins
There are NO LIMITS of what you can create, you are POWERFUL and there is nothing that you can not have or achieve! Believe in your power, believe in yourself and let go of what no longer serves you! ♡ Design your life, Create your reality…
This is life changing!
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